Why Taking Things Personally is Bad For Any Parent

Kids grew up watching our every move and listening to every single word that we say. So do not be surprised if one day, your daughter says something really annoying or your son answers back with the best possible argument - kids learn pretty quickly how to push our buttons, and the number of ways that they can get through us is overwhelming. Most parents try to avoid losing their temper and they try as much as they can to control their emotions. However, many parents, especially new ones, are not able to manage their emotions well, either occasionally or chronically. So if you are a mother who struggles with keeping your emotions in check, you are not alone. Losing your temper means yelling at your kids, calling them names, slamming things on the table in front of them, giving bigger and more difficult consequences than necessary, and refusing to provide the basic needs of your child such as "skipping meals" as a form of punishment. Parents wage war against their children almost all the time over almost anything such as, for younger kids, enforcing bedtime, getting dressed, eating vegetables, not following instructions or sticking with rules, or being verbally disrespectful. For older children, the cause of the issues become more focused on socializing, performing outside of the house, doing chores and assignments, being dishonest, and lying. Parents usually get angry with their kids because sometimes, they get tangled in power struggles with their children. And no matter how young or how old your child is, the moment you get yourself in that setup, your emotions will get more complicated and you will find it more difficult to free yourself from it. If losing your temper was effective, parenting would have been such an easy endeavor. All we have to do is wait until our child gets extremely annoying, shout at him for a while, and he will grow up to be a respectful and responsible adult. However, losing your temper and getting personal simply does not work. It is plain ineffective because the original problem is forgotten in the heat of the argument, and remains unsolved after all is said and done. Instead of your child learning the essential problem solving skill, what he gets are the power thrusts that you give. Look at it this way: if you have problems with your child's behavior and all you do is pound them with bigger hammers, your kids are going to develop bigger nails. You have to understand that learning how to solve problems and manage emotions is the primary task of childhood. And if you do not teach that to your child, it would be hard for other people, even a therapist, to pick up the pieces